Intro to The Direction Leadership Principles

Over the years, parents have often asked me the same question in different forms: What should I do?

What should I do when my child refuses to go to school? What should I do when my teenager is anxious? What should I do when my child is failing classes, using substances, or making poor decisions?

The details change, but the underlying question remains the same. Parents are trying to understand what response is most likely to help their child become a healthy, capable, independent adult.

After many years working with children, adolescents, families, schools, and treatment programs, I found myself returning to the same ideas repeatedly. Some came from my father and grandfather, both psychiatrists. Others came from colleagues, mentors, and my own experiences. Eventually, I organized them into a framework we now use throughout Direction.

These are the Direction Leadership Principles.

The principles are not intended to be rigid rules. Different children require different approaches, and there is no single path to raising a healthy child. Instead, the principles provide a framework for thinking about parenting, leadership, therapy, and human development.

At their core, they are built around two beliefs. First, the goal of parenting is to promote independence. We want children to become capable adults who can navigate life without needing us to solve every problem for them. Second, our job is not simply to help children feel better. Our job is to help them function better. While emotional comfort is important, growth often requires challenge, discomfort, and learning through experience.

The principles themselves fall into four broad areas. We must show up for children consistently and reliably. We must practice what we preach, recognizing that children learn far more from what we do than from what we say. We must encourage growth by providing support while also allowing room for challenge, failure, responsibility, and learning. And finally, we must intervene when necessary to protect safety, preserve healthy group culture, and address behaviors that are causing harm.

None of these ideas are particularly new. Most are variations of principles that thoughtful parents, teachers, coaches, and therapists have understood for generations. What I have attempted to do is organize them into a coherent framework that helps answer a practical question: when faced with a difficult parenting decision, what response is most likely to help this child become a healthy, capable, independent adult?

In future articles and podcast episodes, I will explore each of these principles in greater depth. Some may seem obvious. Others may seem counterintuitive. All of them are designed to move us toward the same goal: helping young people develop the skills, resilience, judgment, and independence they will need to thrive long after they no longer need us.